Father Mine

It was rare

to see him smile.

But who knows what

demons tormented

his soul?

Angry at the world,

misery was his constant.

He lived a solitary life

never knowing how

to open his heart

to anyone or thing.

Perhaps the king

of the world has

no need for such pursuits

as gratitude or

kindness.

His unremarkable life

has left its marks

on all of us.

The Cold Shoulder

I climbed the mountain

cold and hard

there I found nothing but

empty wind

and the tattered treasures

of pilgrims

You were not there

waiting as the frozen air

filled my lungs with pain

Why did I make this journey?

The mountain knows my

only victory is this single moment

of life escaping in a misty cloud

of breath, and nothing more

There is no flag to plant with joy

in this barren wasteland

and there is no time to make it

out before the darkness falls

The Shrine

Here the earth is old.
The ancient ones are silent now,
there are no ears to hear them.

Asleep in the rocks and canyon walls
they fade as the centuries stretch further
from the life that was.

The stone lions lay empty shells-
the gods inside left long ago with
those who kept their secrets.

Listen with your heart
and you will hear echoes
of the time before time

in the mournful
whisper of the wind

as it searches

for the Anasazi.

Where I Lay Sleeping

Curled like a baby sleeping

in the womb I dream of

deep valleys and flower fields

and snow-capped peaks

casting long shadows on the tall

grass where I lay sleeping

and dreaming of raindrops

on green leaves and blue skies

over ancient forests of tall

cedars and beams of sunlight

warming the shadows in the

field where I lay sleeping and

dreaming of a faraway meadow

with a sliver of moon hanging

high overhead and first stars

blinking against the fading day

while the wind settles around me

like a blanket, where I lay sleeping

and dreaming of your hands

on my face and the light

in your eyes as you wake me from

where I lay sleeping.

Let It Go~A Song to Myself

You can sit here and listen
to your own heart beating
alone in the prison you've
made of your past
and nurture the pain so it will last

You can play "what if" scenarios
and beat yourself up in stereo
turn up the songs that cut you deep
until you're bleeding in your sleep
But no matter how long you cling
it won't change a thing, no it won't change a thing
the sun and moon will rise
Wake up and open your eyes

The rest of your life is a beautiful mystery
You sacrifice your future for your history
If you want to see the full moon
shining on the new mountain snow
I have the solution
give yourself absolution
from this pollution
and let it go
just let it go

You can drink the same poison
that you have been drinking
drunk on regret,
with your trophy of pain
and number the questions 'til you go insane

You can play "what if" scenarios
and beat yourself up in stereo
turn up the songs that cut you deep
until you're bleeding in your sleep
But no matter how long you cling
it won't change a thing, no it won't change a thing
the sun and moon will rise
Wake up and open your eyes

The rest of your life is a beautiful mystery
You sacrifice your future for your history
If you want to see the full moon
shining on the new mountain snow
I have the solution
give yourself absolution
from this pollution
and let it go
just let it go
let it go

What a Great Song

girl vs. God: part two

girl: ah, I see you're here again. Don't you have more critical things to concern yourself with than an ordinary girl like me? What about Iran and North Korea? See what happens when you get distracted?

God: (chuckles) One of the many great things about being God, is being able to multi-task very well. Although I prefer the term "omnipresence" over "multi-tasking." I do not consider anything I do a "task."

girl: That's a relief. What can I do for you today God?

God: Believe.

girl: Believe? In...you? The future of Apple computers? UFOs? What?

God: Just believe.

girl: Actually, that June 8th incident has made me believe in magic.

God: Call it what you want.

girl: You know, it might be easier to have a serious discussion with you, if you didn't look like George Clooney. It's kinda distracting.

God: How's this?

girl: Al Pacino, the Godfather. You're pretty funny God. I never knew you had a sense of humor.

God: Seriously? Have you looked at a giraffe lately?

girl: Good point.

Blue Moon

Moon in the sky
on the black slate of night
Round and full
the thin clouds
whisper in silver
Far below the shadows
of great mountains
in silhouette
anchor the earth
with jagged peaks
Wrapped in a blanket of stars
I lift my face and
feel the heavens
beckoning me to you

girl vs. God: part one

girl: Where am I?

God: You're dreaming.

girl: Who are you?

God: I'm God.

girl: Then I MUST be dreaming, because I don't believe in You.

God: You believed in me last week.

girl: I changed my mind.

God: Why?

girl: If you're God, then you shouldn't have to ask me that question.

God: True. Maybe I just wanted you to think about the answer.

girl: Oh, I've thought about it.

God: And...?

girl: I'm on the fence.

God: The jury is still out?

girl: Yes, and may not come back.

God: What can I do to convince you? I answered a few of your requests lately.

girl: Those could easily have been coincidence. It would be nice if you would give the world a sign.

God: I give signs every day.

girl: Not subtle signs that could be questioned, I mean international news-making signs.

God: That's not my style.

girl: So your style is showing up in my dream, looking like George Clooney?

God: Morgan Freeman had already been done.

girl: I do like George.

God: I know.

Sand Planet

Across the desert she roams

for a 1,000 days lost

like her mind that wanders

through the dreams of this

land before it died.

Treasures concealed

by the bitter sands of time

possess her waking thoughts

and drive her to madness,

deeper still

in the heart of this desert,

there is no stone

she has not felt

beneath her feet.

Welcome HP Customers

If you're reaching this blog from a link I posted last year regarding HP's failure to cover the cost of replacing defective Nvidia chips in all of their laptop models, click here

http://southernbreezes.blogspot.com/2008/11/hewlett-packard-nvidia-partners-in.html

Good luck with your quest for justice.

Happy Holidays!

Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."
~ Oren Arnold

Christmas Secrets

The Ice Returns

Winter's bare limbs

against a grey sky stand

in stillness waiting.

The rush of Autumn's wind

through firey leaves

silent now and sleeping.

Canada's geese part the

sky with victorious grace

while frost covered roses

shiver in diamonds.

Hewlett-Packard & Nvidia: Partners in Crime

In October of 2007, I purchased a beautiful new HP Pavilion Laptop DV9535nr with Nvidia Geforce graphics card from my local Best Buy. After all was said and done, the purchase totaled over $2,400.

I began to notice that the laptop would get very, very hot (like cook an egg hot) whenever I used it for more than an hour or so. (bad sign #1) In early June of this year, the laptop began to shut itself off without warning and upon restart, would display strange colored lines on the screen. (bad sign #2) In July, it died. The laptop would turn on, but there was no video, at all, nothing, just a backlit black screen.

I returned the laptop to Best Buy, who sent it off to HP. Almost a month later, I received the laptop with the simple explanation that my "motherboard had been replaced." (bad sign #3)

A few weeks ago, and exactly one week after the one-year warranty had expired, the motherboard failed again, completely. This time, I got no warning first, it just died. So, I returned the laptop to Best Buy, who sent it back to HP.

Two weeks later, I received an email from Best Buy that my laptop was ready to be picked up (yippee!). Once I arrived, I was informed that HP "was not able to reach me by phone, so they shipped the laptop back unrepaired." When I inquired as to why HP was trying to reach me by phone (and P.S. I am registered as a customer on their website) I was told that the cost to replace the motherboard was going to be $1,003.00. (Let me repeat that) $1,003.00!!!!!

The Geek Squad employee asked me to authorized the charge and she would ship it back to HP for the repair. "Hang on!" I said, gritting my teeth. "I just had the motherboard replaced three months ago. Are you telling me that HP is going to charge me for a new motherboard that is only 90 days old??" I was then informed that "yes" HP was going to charge me if I wanted the laptop repaired.

I snatched up the dead computer and left in a mighty huff, certain that the I.T. guys in my office would save the day. (Wishful thinking on my part)

Now here's the really bad news: For months and months, Nvidia (the maker of the graphics card in my laptop) has been aware of a design defect in some of their chips attached to motherboards. These chips overheat and basically fry the motherboard (hence the scalding hot lap top issue). This defect has affected millions of Apple MacBook Pro, Hewlett-Packard, and Dell laptops.

Nvidia has delayed recalling this part, giving their business partners (Dell, HP, Apple) time to push these chips past the one-year warranty period, which prevents these companies from having to pay for the repair. Unfortunately, the problem has become so enormous that Dell and Apple have finally agreed to replace the faulty motherboards free of charge for up to two years from date of purchase. HP has offered this on a limited number of their models, but is refusing to cover every model that is affected with this issue.

There is a huge raping of consumers going on with HP. If you read the complaints on HP's forum pages, the number is astounding (I have made about 6 posts, three of which HP has promptly removed. They are censoring the forum, but not responding to the issue). The bigger shock is that HP is refusing to budge. I guess they'd rather piss of their customers than ask Nvidia to pay for the replacement parts.

If HP doesn't want to pay for the repairs, then they should sue Nvidia for providing them with faulty hardware, not pass the cost on to consumers. HP should also extend the warranty (like Dell and Apple have done) for ALL affected models, not just a select few.

In the meantime, Nvidia should do the right thing and issue a major recall of these defective chips, instead of allowing their business partners to take the heat for their own blunder. I won't be buying another laptop with Nvidia graphics. ATI, here I come.

Here are some interesting articles on the subject for all my techy friends:

Nvidia Sued by Shareholders for Faulty GPU Coverup

The Technical Reason the GPUs are Failing

More Bad News for Nvidia

How Dell is Handling It

How Apple is Handling It

How HP is Handling It (oh wait, they're not) DUH!

Remembering Your Life

On this day, you would have been 43 years old.

So today, I will remember the joy and love that you brought to our lives,

and the years I was honored to be your wife.

No matter how our story ended,

I thank you for loving me.

Happy Birthday, sweet, gentle giant.

We miss you.

Destiny's End

You raise your sword and

the sun glints off the razor-sharp edge,

reflecting upon the rivers of tears on my cheeks.

I will not struggle against the ties

that bind me to this time and place,

but lift my face to the sun

and wait for the fatal blow

to a heart that beats for the one

who will slay it.

I breathe and become the air,

the trees,

the ground below.

The dark birds circle, waiting

to pick the flesh of your soul's mate.

For a moment, time stops as you search

my face for forgiveness.

A final chance to change the world passes,

and you let loose your poison death

upon the only one who could ever

save

you.

The dark birds circle but find only

a garden of thornless blood roses

and glistening dew.

Where Have all the Poets Gone?

I was happily surprised recently to meet someone who is familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda. In this prosaic world, it is rare to meet poetic spirits. During our discussion, I discovered that a documentary film is currently being produced on the life of Neruda. The film will be narrated by the Grammy-award winning singer/songwriter Suzanne Vega and directed by the Oscar-nominated Carlos Bolado. I'm looking forward to its release and would like to share one of my favorite Neruda poems. Enjoy.

Leaning in to the Evenings (translated from the original Spanish)

Leaning into the evenings I throw my sad nets

to your ocean eyes

There my lonliness stretches and burns in the tallest bonfire,

arms twisting like a drowning man's.

I cast red signals over your absent eyes

which lap like the sea at the lighthouse shore.

You guard only darkness, my distant female,

sometimes the coast of dread emerges from your stare.

Leaning into the evenings I toss my sad nets

to that sea which stirs your ocean eyes.

The night birds peck at the first stars

that twinkle like my soul as I love you.

Night gallops on her shadowy mare

scattering blue wheat stalks over the fiields.

The Guardian

From beyond the

deep shadow-years

a slant of light reaches the

dusty corners of the dream

and stirs the sleeping guardian

of the future

who is so lost

in his task

that he has become

the very walls that

surround the treasure

he protects, though he can

barely remember why

until

the light reminds him.

The Best Job Ever

My daughter graduates from college in December. She's been a little distraught about being uncertain about her chosen career (she's still undecided) and if/when she should go to law school/grad. school, etc. I can relate.

Knowing that I am unhappy at work, a good friend asked me recently what I "really wanted to do" if I could do anything for work. I found myself unable to give an answer. It has bothered me every since. I have never been in a position (financially) to do whatever I wanted to do and so I have never allowed myself to dream of such a thing. I've been the "breadwinner" of the family since 1986, and most recently of course, a single income family with a daughter in college and two mortgage payments.

So now, I spend time wondering...what would I do? If I could do anything? It seems like the only answer is nothing. And I wonder if I've killed any chance of ever really being able to answer that question. Maybe I'm just so burned out, that part of my brain is goulash. I hate to say that my "dream ability" has been completely killed off, but I'm thinking it has. The years of stress have finally beaten the hope out of me. Not even Calgon can take me away, anymore.

But forget about me, this is about my daughter. I want her to feel as though she has the time to figure this thing out, find her passion, and then find a way to make it her life's work.

In the end, that will make me happier than finding my own "perfect job" because being her mother truly is the joy that sustains me.

Summer's End

Summer curls and yawns and stretches the days.

Nearing the end of her time she colors the landscape

with zinnias and roses

and paints the moon with golden light.

Waiting for Autumn to take her place,

she gives her best in butterfly wings

and the tall fields of grass, rolling gently to the sky.

Long Overdue

I'm headed to Rosemary Beach for a long overdue vacation. I'll be back after the 18th, hopefully with a nice tan and well-rested.

http://www.rosemarybeach.com/

see you soon!

Storm

The tall grass

bends

rolling in waves of green

as the sky

rumbles and covers the sun

in grey paint

swirled together

in an ominous show of

nature's humbling canvas

Dating 101 in 2008

Ok, so after months of prodding and pushing and coaching, my therapist has convinced me to try online dating - seriously. So, I recently signed up for a Match.com and eHarmony account. I'm a little embarrassed admitting to this - but honestly - I've come to the conclusion that this is the way people meet each other in this day and age (gawd, I just sounded like a senior citizen).

For the past 23 years of my life, I've been someones wife and/or mother, so it has been a LONG time since I have found myself single and available for dating. (I find this thought terrifying). Back in college, in my dating hay day, you met people at discos and bars (I'm laughing at the absurdity of this - although it's true). I suppose I could meet someone by chance at an airport, or coffee shop, or hit him with my car, but in this new world of technology, romance is now found online. Everyone is doing it. I am a sceptic, but we'll see.

Anyway, part of my "assignment" before my next counseling session, is to come back with a list of qualities I would seek in the "perfect man" for me. I thought it would be fun to invite my blog readers to give me some help here, and make some suggestions. What do you think? Especially if you know me, let's hear it!

Note to pervy friends: keep it clean!

Perdido Key

Summer's golden light
washes us in shimmery warmth
as the sun slowly sinks
below the ocean
and the earth sighs softly....
the day is done

Happy Independence Day!

Dragonfly

I've seen several dragonflies lately. When I went out to the mailbox a few days ago, a dragonfly escorted me, landing briefly before zig-zagging away. Then yesterday, I went out in to the courtyard to water my flowers, and saw two dragonflies, one of which almost collided with my nose. Today I received a "thinking of you" card with, you guessed it, a dragonfly on the front.

So I Googled "symbolism of dragonfly" and was amazed at the information on the internet. Seems the dragonfly is a powerful totem in Native American, Celtic, and Japanese culture.

Inhabiting the two worlds of water and air, the dragonfly goes through quite a metamorphosis. Born in lakes, ponds, and swamps, it actually spends most of its life underwater, only to shed its old skin after several years and live a few short weeks, flying along the water on luminous wings.

Dragonflies represent the powers of light and transformation, and the ability to see through illusion. They bring prosperity and harmony. The dragonfly, as a totem, teaches skillful action while maintaining a free and joyful sense of being.

Dragonflies symbolize illusion, dreams, change, enlightenment, swiftness, dreams and seeing the truth. They are messengers of the elemental world. They are connected to Summer. Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change. Dragonfly medicine always beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which you need to change.

The Dragonfly by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Today I saw the dragon-fly

come from the wells where he did lie.

An inner impulse rent the veil

of his old husk:

from head to tail

came out clear plates of sapphire mail.

He dried his wings:

like gauze they grew;

thro' crofts and pastures wet with dew

a living flash of light he flew.

Yesterday

I thought about you on the way home from work yesterday

I had something to tell you, something I needed to share with you

and for a split second, my mind forgot, that you were gone

for that fraction of time,

the world was right

two years vanished,

like a nightmare in the light of day

and I was happy,

truly,

for a moment.

When You Only Have 100 Years to Live

I'm 15 for a moment

Caught in between 10 and 20

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment

She feels better than ever

And we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose 15,

there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment

Still the man, but you see

I'm a they

A kid on the way

A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

Within a morning star 15

I'm all right with you 15,

there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by

Suddenly you're wise

Another blink of an eye

67 is gone

The sun is getting high

We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment

Dying for just another moment

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are 15

there's still time for you

22 I feel her too

33 you're on your way

Every day's a new day... 15

there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

-Five for Fighting

Savannah

I'm in Savannah, vacationing with my little sister. Savannah is beautiful, historic, gracious, inspiring and sultry. Our hotel is wonderful. We're having a blast :-)
http://www.mansiononforsythpark.com/

Denver Takeoff

Purple ribbon clouds
ripple with fire as
the setting sun
hugs the horizon
painting the sky in
gold and pink
stretching out to
palest blue and
high above
a silver half moon
shines like a bright
light on a lonely road
calling me home...

Back to Beautiful Wyoming

I'm getting ready to go back to Wyoming with a group for a few weeks. Hope to be back with new posts soon. Peace.

A Walk to Remember

In the U.S., a person dies by suicide every 16 minutes, claiming more than 31,000 lives each year. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in this country, third among teens and young adults.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the leading non-profit organization exclusively dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research and education, and to reaching out to people with mood disorders and those impacted by suicide - those of us known as "survivors." AFSP funds research aimed at improving our understanding of suicide and ways to prevent it, as well as educational activities to increase awareness about prevention, warning signs and the mental illnesses that can lead to suicide.

Every year, cities all across the country host "Out of the Darkness Community Walks" to benefit the AFSP. By walking in one of these walks, you will be walking with thousands of people nationwide to raise money for AFSP's vital research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives, increase national awareness about depression and suicide, and assist survivors of suicide loss. Suicide is a tragedy that takes an enormous toll on family, friends, co-workers, and the community.

I urge you to go to http://www.outofthedarkness.org/ and find a walk in your area. My home town will host its third annual OOTD walk this September. I will be walking in memory of my loving husband and others lost to friends I have made through my association with the AFSP. If you can't walk, please consider making a donation to a walk near you.

For more information about the AFSP, visit:

http://www.afsp.org/

Close

A rose in a book of poems
soft and flat from the pressure
“umm” said she as the pages
turn and stir
the air with

grapefruit-scented

black chantilly
and pomegranate-flavored
lips whisper secrets
through the sleepy light of
a make-believe sun that shines

on this make-believe world

As Long As You're Mine

Ok, I'm a sucker for romance. I love the movie "The Notebook". Here are some scenes set to a song from the Broadway Musical, "Wicked". Enjoy, my fello chick-flick lovers.

Women of Leisure

I see them every morning

these women of leisure

taking their morning walks

decked out in their

Juicy Couture track suits

and their diamond earrings

sipping their insulated cup

of hot gourmet brew

as they catch up

on the latest gossip of

who's doing what and

with whom while

contemplating their ten o'clock

tennis lessons and whether

or not they should have

manicures today when they

lift their hands in an

obligatory wave

as I ease around them

on my way

to

work

Things That Make Me Go..???

1. Why can women remember an exact sentence word-for-word, in an argument with their husbands from ten years ago, along with what he was wearing at the time and his facial expressions and men can't recall a single detail? Yet... Men can remember a specific play in the third quarter of a football game from ten years ago, as well as the player's names, numbers, stats and the final score of the game, along with how many stadium hot dogs they ate?


2. Why is it so difficult to get grass to grow in the yard, but not in the cracks in the sidewalk?


3. Why is the line I'm standing in always the slowest moving, until I switch lines?


4. Why are CDs so difficult to open? Is all that tape really necessary? While we're talking about stuff that's hard to open, who came up with that thick plastic that batteries and things are packed in? It takes a chain saw to open it. I hate that stuff and it can't be good for the environment.


5. Why do items that are sugar and fat free, cost more when they have fewer ingredients?


6. Why is the time on my cell phone and my computer different? Aren't they both connected to the same atomic clock in the sky? Maybe the atomic clock needs some of those chain-saw proof batteries.


7. Why do teenagers use text messaging instead of phoning? Isn't that technology going backwards?


8. Why do people still smoke cigarettes?


9. Why does one sock always vanish from the dryer? Where does it go?


10. What happened to all those "W The President" stickers you used to see everywhere?

Chasing Cars

I am always in awe of songwriters. Just wanted to share these lyrics from a song I love.

We'll do it all

Everything On our own

We don't need Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words,

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

There all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

-Snow Patrol

A Wise Friend Said....

every end

is a beginning

and every beginning

is an end

and in this way

the ebb and flow of life

has its amazing cycles

and the love goes round

and round

and in and out

and round

and about

and all of this

is ours

Purple Dusk

It is the murmur of a brook
The laughter of a child
All the fragrance and romance
Of woods and grasses wild

It is inside the echo in
The hills that hold the dawn
In every dream that lingers
When the purple dusk is gone

It is the quiet gentleness
Of sky and waters blue
It is the all-embracing gift
That life has given you

-Thank you, amazing, talented, and wonderful friend for sharing this poem with me.

Lovely

I came across this poem while researching medieval epitaphs on the Internet one day. No author was listed, but I thought it was lovely and wanted to share it. Enjoy.

Do not stand at my grave and forever weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
I am the ocean's deepest blue
The world is filled with my love for you.

My Windowless Room

You built a windowless room
and put me there
A cold and dark place
but you did not lock
the door
I did

I locked myself in that place
and let the years of darkness
wrap me in the comfort
of consistent misery

I did not long to escape
but found solace in the
emptiness of my soul
laid open by the pain
of loss and the torture
of what might have been

And then one day a single leaf
floated under the door
landing silently at my feet
I lifted it, inhaling spring
and remembered life
before the room

With the leaf in my pocket
I crossed the threshold
stepping out of the safety
of my companions of shadow
and felt the sun on my face

I turned to look,
but the room was gone
and I forgave you for
putting me there
and I forgave myself
for staying

A Song I Love

Do you always trust your first initial feeling?

Special knowledge holds truth bears believing

I turned around

And the water was closing all around

Like a glove

Like the love that had finally, finally found me

Then I knew

In the crystalline knowledge of you

Drove me thru the mountains

Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain

Drove me like a magnet

To the sea

How the faces of love have changed turning

the pages

And I have changed oh, but you...you remain

ageless

I turned around

And the water was closing all around

Like a glove

Like the love that had finally, finally found me

Then I knew

In the crystalline knowledge of you

Drove me thru the mountains

Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain

Drove me like a magnet

To the sea

Crystal-Stevie Nicks

In the Garden

I had the privilege of walking through my mother's garden this weekend. Everywhere there were signs of spring. The daffodils and narcissus were in full bloom, the hyacinths were budding and filling the air with their sweet scent. Tulips bent gracefully in the afternoon breeze and jasmine covered the arbor in a romantic tangle of glossy green leaves and bright yellow bell-shaped flowers. Tiny wild violets dotted the lawn and a few dandelions dared to show their sunny faces. The dogwood trees shimmered in the afternoon light, full of buds, ready to burst. Big fat bumble bees buzzed. Birds made their way back and forth between the cedar trees and the bird feeder, fussing at the squirrels who insisted on stealing their sunflower seeds.

I looked around and thought about my plants and flowers at my own home, suffering from neglect that comes from a person who has withdrawn from the world. Last year, I lost some plants that I have had for years and years, because like myself, I did not take care of them.

I realized that it's time for me to leave this winter behind. Spring is here and I'm ready to get back in the garden.

We Made a Mess

My mother used to always tell us "if you make a mess, you clean it up." I was thinking about this recently, at the 5 year anniversary of the beginning of the war in Iraq.

We (the United States) made a mess. A big one.

I am really struggling with this war. First let me say, I was against it from the beginning. I was never convinced that those grainy spy satellite photos of supposed "weapons of mass destruction" sites were indeed, just that. Once we got in there, and realized there weren't ANY WOMD, it was too late. We had done too much damage to the country's infrastructure. From there, the downward spiral began.

Today they announced that we passed the 4,000 mark, on number of U.S. deaths in Iraq. Four thousand. Some would argue that it's a tiny amount compared to the lives lost in other U.S. wars, but tell that to the parents of those 4,000 dead. And while you're at it, tell it to the parents of the soldiers of the coalition - who aren't Americans and didn't even have a "dog in this fight." Tell them. Oh, and please don't forget the innocent civilians in Iraq, the women and children, who have died. Let's not forgot those who struggle to live every day in a world of violence and chaos.

I really want us to get out of Iraq. I really, really do. I think we are fighting a losing battle. I think as soon as we withdraw, the country will clash in civil war. It's like they're just waiting for us to leave so they can kill each other.

But on the other hand, we made a mess. We have destroyed this country. Sure, Saddam was a madman. Sure, he was a murderer and tyrant. But is this country better off now because the U.S. took this action? Most people would say "no" not by a long shot.

I heard that the U.S. is having a difficult time getting the Iraqi government to take responsibility for even the smallest of duties - like paying teachers. Even though the U.S. is pouring billions of dollars in to Iraq, schools aren't getting built, teachers aren't getting paid, electricity is not coming on, unless the U.S. pays for these things directly. How do we get the Iraqi government to take a leadership position? How do we get the Iraqi government to be fair to all its citizens? How do we fix this mess that WE created?

The five year anniversary of a war that Cheney said "might last 60 days." I really have no idea what the solution is. I do know that the war is creating a huge strain on our economy (unless you're an oil company or military contractor).

I think we owe it to the Iraqi people to fix what we broke. I'm just not sure how we do that - is it fixable? Are we just spinning our wheels? How many more soldiers have to die because of a lie?

Finally, will the world ever evolve in to peace? Why is it so difficult to love our neighbors?

Orchids Bloom

In the Deep

In the

Dark

quiet Secrets

wrapped in promises

shielded by Love

Glimmer

in the Golden Light

of Hope

and

Hopelessness

the Cherry Blossoms

Fall

the Butterfly

Lands

Orchids Bloom

elements combine

and I smell the wet grass

and Feel your Hand

in Mine

Cat Lady

I’ve got a birthday coming up. Not a milestone birthday…more of a “tweener”… between a semi-milestone and a milestone. Figured it out yet? Me either. Nor have I figured out why this birthday is bothering me so badly.

Maybe it’s because I’m alone and don’t have my sweet husband home to forget my birthday and then remember it suddenly and go all out making up for it? Maybe it’s because the reality of my age is starting to show in tiny lines around my eyes? Maybe it’s because I’m hiring people who were born after I had already graduated from college? Maybe it’s because I think about the years left in my life and there doesn’t seem to be so many? Maybe it’s because there are a lot of things I thought I would do by this age that I haven’t done? Humm. Maybe.

I certainly don’t want to make a big deal out of it. I’d like to forget it actually. If any of my friends are reading this, this is not a hint! On the contrary, I prefer to let the day pass unnoticed, in a peaceful, ALONE manner (with a few margaritas to ease any suffering). I ask you to please ignore it! I don’t want to be reminded that I have a better chance of being struck by lightening than EVER re-marrying – at THIS age. Thanks, Mr. Guy-Who-Conducts-Such-Cruel-and-Heartless-Polls. You suck. And by the way, I don’t think I want to date, much less re-marry. I think I’d make a great little old spinster lady with 500 cats.

It could happen.

Come Into My Sleep

Now that mountains of meaningless words
and oceans divide us
And we each have our own set of stars
to comfort and guide us
Come into my sleep
Come into my sleep, oh yeah
Dry your eyes and do not weep
Come into my sleep

Swim to me through the deep blue sea
upon the scattered stars set sail
Fly to me through this love-lit night
from one thousand miles away
And come into my sleep
Come into my sleep oh yeah
As midnight nears and shadows creep
Come into my sleep

Bind my dreams up in your tangled hair
For I am sick at heart, my dear
Bind my dreams up in your tangled hair
For all the sorrow it will pass, my dear

Take your accusation, your recriminations
and toss them into the ocean blue
Leave your regrets and impossible longings
and scatter them across the sky behind you
And come into my sleep
Come into my sleep
For my soul to comfort and keep
Come into my sleep
-Nick Cave

Landslide

Denied

Please do not come here

looking for absolution

and peace
the earth revolves

around the sun

no matter what
so do not come here

seeking

signs of life

and a pat on the back
you seem to be

?confused?

about what this is
I do not blame you
it is easier to think

about other things,

happier things
time passes

but does not heal me
and coming here

will not make you

feel any better
about yourself

or me

Mouse Heart

The blood runs cold

through her empty heart
a heart so badly wounded
though it may one day heal
will be scarred and reformed

tender flesh replaced

with wire and steel
reinforced with iron and ice
beating faintly

like the tiny heart of a mouse
inside a bunker

buried deep

Lost

Winter

The winter vine curls around the post
frosted leaves stretch and shiver
reaching for the distant sun

The blackbirds come in clouds of

ebony iridescent wings, moving and shifting
then landing in unison on the sleeping grass

In front of the fire I sit lost in the flames
wrapped in the quiet of winter’s day
For a moment, I think all is as it should be

Without You

The sun sets in the west
and in the fading light
I see my reflection in the window
another day of my life is over
another day without you

The leaves of Autumn fall
drifting slowly to the wet earth
I look at your photograph and wonder
how many seasons will pass
how many seasons without you

The Flood

When the rain comes and it will come
will the birds sing, will the bells ring?
Who will know that it is done?

Swept away in the churning flood
carried on foam of angry crests
the dark sky rushes overhead
heavy with the black clouds of dread

and the wet trees stand
oblivious on the shore

Tattered Threads

I live in a world full of people
yet I am alone
They move around me

in a blur
as I stand frozen in the shadows
cast by men with cold hearts

Between the world of the living
and the dead I wander
a ghost passing unnoticed
through the eternal dimness
held together by tattered threads

I shout, but no one hears me
lost in the roar of everyday life
they forget the forgotten and
send me the unspoken message
that indeed even God has forsaken me

Today

The green rolling hills flash by

carrying me further away from you

great white clouds hang high

in summer sky of deepest blue

My heart desires not

to travel this road

that takes me far from

where I want to be

but we both know

that the sun will rise

and tomorrow will come

so today,

I

must

leave

In My Dreams

Lost in the dim of twilight waking
I cling to dreams
and search for you

beyond the stars
around the Southern Cross
to the end of the earth

I reach for your hand as
the day breaks
and in the cold light of dawn
I hear your voice and know
I will see you again
in my dreams

Drowning

The rope slips through my fingers
and I begin to sink like a river stone
towards the bottom of the deep blue sea
arms floating above my head
hands waving in the currents
like drifting ocean grass
the light of the sun fading
Darker and colder and deeper
the water becomes
until finally, my feet touch the sand
So soft and quiet is the ocean floor
where the only sound is my own heart beating

Guardian

Bright stars shine in skies of slate
In this place of dreams and whispers
Every wish the dark night offers
Echoes morning’s hopeful song
Love is near. (The forest sighs)
We have been waiting…
all our lives.

Beautiful Wyoming

Just returned from Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Beautiful place. Great people. Clean Air. Peace.