Cat Nap

there you are

asleep in the afternoon sun

streaming through windows and

painting your skin in ribbons of light

and shadow stripes

deeply breathing

far away in a

lucid dream, your face shifting

from boy to man and back again

and i wish you would wake

so that i could kiss you

instead, I'll drink the wine

and watch you sleep and

miss you

but sleep too long and the wine will be gone

then you'll wake to find me

(sleeping)

Moondrops

i drove home in the night
that awful moon reflecting
drops on my cheeks
black rivers of truth
washing away my paper charade
a heart exposed, reborn, denied
still beating

(thump, thump, thump)

my bed welcomes me
"i knew you'd be back"
deep in blankets
deep in darkness
deep in silence
"come and hide"
i would die for you, i think
i would die
for
you
and yet i live, still
breathing on the same planet
we share, apart
we tear apart
we part
and
sleep comes softly
(sighs like the ocean against the shore)
your taste fades on my tongue
but my heart
is not free of your hands

(thump)

(thump)

(thump)

Haunted

will you remember me in

the dark blanket of stars?

i cast my heart to the heavens

and whispered prayers

in a language i did not speak
but understood with
infinite measure

your ghost and my ghost

followed and led

leaving footprints in 

the soft earth like a child

running

from a devil in a

dream

will you remember me in

the quiet moments of the night?

when you wake to the 

pounding of your heart
 (that dream of black birds on grey sky)

the universe divides us

and the stars pour through your

fingers like sand
there is grief in the darkness
a sentence unfinished
untested
undone
my ghost stands in the
corner of your bedroom
sadly watching
still longing as
the new moon bathes you in
blue light and shadows


From my journal: December 2006

Dark Road

I created this movie on my iMac using iMovie.  All images and video clips were purchased through iStock for noncommercial use.  Music purchased through iTunes.  Not for resale or profit.
I hope you enjoy.

Back to Life

Standing at the

bottom

of the steps

so wide,

feeling the wind

blow around me.

I can sense there's

something

moving quickly now

towards me-

towards the sky.

Take my hand

and please don't let

me go.

You're the only

one I truly know.

You're the reason

that I made

it here alive and

whole.

We've only got

so much time left

to go, so let's go

together.

Your love released me from the stone

It's a journey

we have longed to

make. 

We'll reach the summit

before the morning breaks.

Kiss me and tell

what I need to 

know.

My eyes will

answer all your 

questions

and fill

that hollow

in your soul.

Love Starved

Inside,

she was sinister

her heart a black stone
motivated by
greed and power and fame

but the magazines and
movie screens

hailed her beauty

and her visible bones

as perfection in female form.

Show us your ribs

and every link of your spine

then you'll be the woman

every man will desire

but until we see bones

you will grow older,
forgotten, alone.

No one cares about the

depth of your soul

(or your heart)
We truly do not care
if you're kind, honest, and smart.

You need to be young

and we need to see

bones.
So the little girls
run in the cold of night
starving for love
so often denied because
the message they hear
so loud and so clear:
We Measure Your Worth
By The Bones We See, Dear.
The skeleton girls on the
runway sigh,
once you hit 30 you
might as well die.
(Nothing can tempt me, not even mom's apple pie.)

Summer Rain

You pull me in to

your tender place,

shelter and warmth

(your heart is a blanket)

embracing me with

arms and words

that soothe my soul

my friend

my lover

my dreamer

my muse

soft in the light

you reveal me with
your truth

your hope

your trust

your grace

and selfless love.

Lost in the safety

of our bond,

passion fueled

you heal me

and I, you.

Like summer rain,

summer rain,

again.

The Fairytale

It is the luscious

smoke

of incense that seduces

then disappears in

curls and wisps

as I draw near,

lingering scent

of bitter herbs.

It is the perfect

fruit,

crisp and fragrant,

sweetness imagined

until the first taste

turns bitter,

ruined on my

tongue,

hunger denied.

It is the beckoning

wind

that fills the sails

with thrilling rush

then dies when

my fragile ship

rocks treacherously

far from shore,

unanchored.

It is a symphony of

music

drawing me closer

and deeper in to

a sanctuary of

hope, only to 

trap me in a

cold and 

empty lair,

alone.

The knights have all perished

but the dragons,

live.

30,000 Feet

Patchwork fields

beneath feather clouds stretch

and fade to the edge of

the earth.

She sits beside me

and drinks too much

too fast and talks of

love and loss and

the pain of life.

Her eyes blind to beauty,

Life is Cruel

branded on her soul

she swallows hard and

fills the hole in her

heart with bitter

regret and vodka

I listen and nod and

think about the families

far below.

Hold on to your love.

Hold on to your love.

I look in her eyes

and wonder if she is a prophet

or a messenger

of truth and doom -

a lifetime of seeking but

never finding -

of giving, never to receive.

The horizon fades

in pink and blue ribbons

of light and the Cascades

appear through the

clouds in snow-covered

pyramids, glistening.

Hold on.

Unmarked Trail

I sit beside you

on the stone,

feet hanging

off the edge

heart pounding

in my ears,

the forest behind in

stillness watching.

Mountains surround us

in lush, green, wetness.

The earth smells damp

and fresh and old.

Moss on the trees

and the rocks
in soft patchwork
tumble.

Far below the river

rushes like my heart

wanting to tell you

what I cannot say,

even in whisper.

You turn and smile

and I die a little.

so much beauty

so much pain

We watch the

eagle circle above,

writing a story

across the sky,

as it begins to rain

in the cave of my soul,
drenching the flames
of courage,
feeding the flames
of desire.

Are we lost?
I am.

girl vs. God: Part Four

girl: There you are.
God: Here I am.
girl: I haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been?
God: Right here.
girl: Sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
God: But that doesn't make it so.
girl: I have questions.
God: I'm not surprised.
girl: I'm confused.
God: I would be too.
girl: Can you help me?
God: Listen...
girl: yes?
God: Be still.
girl: "Be still and know that I am God?"
God: No, be still because you're fidgeting.
girl: Ah. Sorry.
God: You are getting stronger every day, you know.
girl: Yes.
God: Are you ready for what is next?
girl: I am.
God: Yes, you are.  Listen and you will hear the answers you seek.
girl: Ok but while you're here, I do have one question....
God: No. I will not give you the winning lottery numbers.

The River Child

I swam in your river,

inhaled your waters,

followed your currents.

ebb and flow

flow and ebb

I dreamed of a day when

our rivers would

meet in a great rush of

rapture,

divine torrents,

belated

ecstasy.

warm and cold

cold and warm

Then, the snow 

melted and I was caught

in a deluge of illusion

by your confusion,

drowning in a tide

of rejection,

gasping,

clinging,

until finally,

acceptance.

Floating,
free

I saw the shore,

then my feet

touched the sand.

dripping

dripping

dripping

joy and sorrow

sorrow
and
joy
and
joy
and
joy.

A Riot in the Heart

"I will have poetry in my life.

And adventure.

And love.

Love above all.

Not the artful postures of love,

not playful games of love

for the amusement of an evening,

but love that over-throws life.

Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart."

-From the movie "Shakespeare in Love." 

TO SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS IS A CRIME AGAINST YOUR OWN HEART.

A Splinter in the Sand

I left it on the beach
the tormented sorrow in
shadows hiding
a splinter buried deep
with toxins seeping.
I left it on the beach
the sea to take and
bleach with time its
cruel skeleton a
dead weapon of
intravenous grief.
I left it on the beach
and filled the hole
it left behind with
laughter and tears
and honest reckoning
with the hopeful innocence
of a brand new day.

I left it on the beach
and found myself, again.

The Dream

You dance in the meadow
of my heart
where the Aspens shimmer in
a perfect breeze and
the mountains wake from
their long winter sleep
whispering
in the silence of
my deepest, secret dreams.

I meet you there
underneath the alpine sky
fingers like jasmine, intertwine
we dance together
lost in perfection
while the summer lightening
illuminates
truth and music
in the echo of
stillness that is
infinite as the universe.

Here, time finds no reason to
divide us
where the Columbine grows
in purple ribbons along
the folds of rock
immortal
and the wind carries
a melody only we can hear.

No longer lost
here, I am home.

Heart Song

i wrote a song for you

(i wrote a song)

that only my heart

can sing

in secret lyrics

soft and low

in the quiet

of night

a lucid

dreaming

love melody

wrapped in silent

echoes of

whispers

in gentle moments

when you slept

next to me

an angel breathing

i watched you sleep

(i watched you)

and my heart

wrote a song

(for you).

I Ran

I ran

in the dark rain

and cried

your love

a living thing

wrapped around my

heart breathing

tentacles buried

deep

give me

life with elixir

sweet and pain

with thorns of

fear

if this blessed

parasite should

ever die

I ran

in the dark rain

and cried

A Song for You

I need to go away for a while.  I'll be back, but until then, be happy.

Last Day on Earth Lyrics - GreenDay

I text a postcard, sent to you
Did it go through?
Sending all my love to you
You are the moonlight of my life every night
Giving all my love to you
My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles 'til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
I'm sending all my love to you

With every breath that I am worth
Here on Earth
I'm sending all my love to you
So if you dare to second guess
You can rest assure
That all my love's for you

My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles 'til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
I'm sending all my love to you

My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles 'til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
I'm sending all my love to you

Unanswered

The granite inquisition

hangs

like a mammoth stalactite

over my head

dripping

cruel reminiscence and

complicity

in to the wounds

freshly spawned by my own

guilty dagger.

Dark interrogations reveal

an infinite chasm

breeding

subterranean limbs that reach

to drag me

in to the abyss

Fresh earth swallows

with unanswered malice

my own heart

ravaged by mystery's

toxic blade.

Listen. Listen.
Nothing but the wind.

Life on Earth

sometimes

the world is maniacal

out of control 

labyrinthine

on a wheel

off the tracks

divergent

(eruptions spew obstructions) 

life's gray slime

settles

in your throat

turns to stone

stuffs your heart

black pitch drowning

sometimes

(it is beautiful)