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Suicide Poems, now available in eBook format

"Suicide Poems" is now available in eBook format through Smashwords and on Amazon here.

I'm also reworking the short story "Evangeline" and hope to have it published with new chapters by summer.

Thanks for following.  Some of you have been a great inspiration to me over the years - either with your own poems, or words of encouragement.  I truly appreciate you.

I'll also be starting a Facebook page for "Suicide Poems", where poets can share their own work, if you're interested in participating.

Small

We are small,

smaller than a grain of sand

in a wide universe of

light and dark

stretching out beyond

the limits of time

where time is not

more or less than

a single breath,

unending

We are small,

smaller than a passing thought

in the deep mind of

light and dark

stretching out beyond

the fabric of dreams

where life is not

more or less than

one heartbeat,

echoing

Water Falling

I dream of places

I've never been

places odd

yet familiar in some

deep part of me

resonating chords

to other times

other worlds

other Me s

water falls from

empty woods

in to a purple sea

while I spin in

the marble ballroom

a perfect waltz

silk, taffeta,

and gems

(floating)

I know this place

though I have only

danced

it in dreams

strange music

echoes in

vine covered

walls along memory's

passages

(fading)

far away notes

vanish

like smoke

curling silently

towards the dawn

The Grove

Ancient

kings

stand in

quiet

majesty

(listening)

sunlight

in golden

ladders

marks a

slanted

path

to heaven's

gate

The soft

ground below

a royal carpet

of ferns

and clover

and vines

In this kingdom

of old saints

there is

truth

if

you

listen

The Laughing Heart - Charles Bukowski - A Short Film

My Country

I saw America

on a postage stamp

she was young

promise-filled

naive and proud

before Korea

and Vietnam

and all the wars

before and after

she was a refuge

a champion

her eyes bright

with spirit and dreams

I saw America

on a postage stamp

she was faded

and worn

her glory, diminished

heart-broken

drowning in the shadows

of greed, apathy

and regret

Day's End

the sun set quickly

in a rush

like a stolen kiss

it was there

then it was

just a glow

along the edge of the world.

her hair caught in the wind

danced and whipped 

about her golden face

like the forgotten flags

of a lost country.

she sighed

and her heart felt full

but also empty.

World's End

will you hold my hand

when it all comes

crashing down

when the world ends

when the mind bends

will you fall with me

sink like a stone

tell me you love me

take me to the quiet

take me to the night

will I feel you there

when the world ends

will you look in my eyes

will you smile

will we cry

when the world ends

will you hold my hand

tell me you love me

tell me goodbye

then nothing else matters

just hold my hand

when the world ends

Deep Space

grief

was a bitter

planet

a cold,

endless dark.

a sky

that rained

broken

glass.

a self-conducted

symphony of

misery

and

loathing.

grief 

was my 

exile

my punishment

my 

torture.

but that planet was

never my

home.

though in 

the still of 

night

in an empty

bed

i remember

the pull

of its

gravity.

long, long

before

love

sent

a rocket to 

rescue

me.

Bittersweet

far away

your voice

is 

far away

your lips

are

far away

your heart

beats

i miss you

yet i've done such an excellent job

of pretending i didn't

silly me,

i fooled myself

so thoroughly

then

it comes rushing

rushing,

the delicious wave

whenever i hear

you whisper

my name
all

the frozen wishes

m

e

l

t

and i drown, and drown

(again)

sweet misery, brutal ecstasy,

fire

bliss

tears

ice


(bitter, sweet)

Reincarnate

I walked across the ocean from Liberty’s island,
on top of the water.

The dolphins swam beside me, circling.

My head sleeping

while my body moved.

Sea foam tickled my bare feet.

Purple toenails like grapes, floating
above the deep blue.

I walked not knowing

only going, going.

Until I felt the pebbles of Ireland.

A fisherman dropped his catch, gasping.

He lifted his finger to point, mouth wide in wonder.

I had wings, wings of a gull.  It did not seem odd.
It was not strange to me.
It gave me courage
to 

ask him for food. 

His wife made a fine stew with fish and carrots and

buttered potatoes. Her weathered hands working
like a cello virtuoso.

I told them of the dolphins, and they drank plenty whisky,

singing songs that made my bones remember
centuries past,

a life long ago, whispered in lyrics.

In a cottage of stone we ate by a crackling fire and
I felt the dead kings. The dead kings listened.

I fell asleep on a tattered rug. My mind traveled 

high in the clouds over the ancient circles and ruins of

stone and green hills, sighing.

Time had no beginning and no end

I was not an angel on a tomb,

curly moss, covered.

I was molecules, 
flesh and bone,
alive and

home, a promise kept,
a dream,
living.

Truth

I wrote your name

a thousand times

next to mine like some

high school crush

until my pen ran

dry coloring the page

with the blood in my veins

Love, love is a winding road

bending around the

granite walls, curving

up and down the misty

valleys of the ragged soul

finding its way like the

icy water from a glacier

seeking the lake below

I dip my toe in, shivering

in the cynical rain, hopeful

diving headfirst
fear and breath
leave in a rush
I imagine you
swimming

I imagine you
mine

Words

tormentor

torment me

i can never leave you

you are part of me 

flesh of my flesh

wound around my heart

relentless vine

i carry part of you

here you live

and breathe my 

thoughts expand

contract and fly

on wings

blue butterflies

take flight

i belong to a vision

walking through 

a dismal membrane

illuminated by 

the memory of your

mouth on mine

blur the lines of 

now with yesterday

and tomorrow

(immortal visions)

hold the cup i drink 

from gladly poison

me with more

i need the rush

of you my one

and only drug

give me the cup

and make my

suffering

sweet

and endless

fill me with the

agony of

all that longs

to be

true and real

(forever)

fill the hollow

spaces with words

the only rhyme

that can save me

Glow

skin

warm

silk

beckons

stirs
night
dream
quiet
rain
sighs
lips
seek
bliss
melt
soft
you
wine
me
love
us

Dream Walker

I do not scheme to walk in your dreams.

I fly to the edge of the universe. I run faraway.

I sink in the ocean.

But my eyes open and here I am, awake inside your sleeping mind.
You must have conjured me because I would never haunt you. I promised.

Inside your dreams, your heart betrays you while your ego rests,

secretly calling my spirit to come to you with its 

magic unharnessed, set free by mysterious truth.

Here, you kiss me long and deep like a man who has crawled across

the desert and finds cool water. You gulp me down with a feverish thirst,

(insatiable)

(reckless)

drinking me in haste, lest your sentinels discover and end the dream.
I feel the intensity of your sadness and desire to hold me here forever,
hiding from the intelligence that gives you so many reasons not to hold me.

Inside your sleeping mind, 

we are moonlit lovers.

(eternal)

Cat Nap

there you are

asleep in the afternoon sun

streaming through windows and

painting your skin in ribbons of light

and shadow stripes

deeply breathing

far away in a

lucid dream, your face shifting

from boy to man and back again

and i wish you would wake

so that i could kiss you

instead, I'll drink the wine

and watch you sleep and

miss you

but sleep too long and the wine will be gone

then you'll wake to find me

(sleeping)

Moondrops

i drove home in the night
that awful moon reflecting
drops on my cheeks
black rivers of truth
washing away my paper charade
a heart exposed, reborn, denied
still beating

(thump, thump, thump)

my bed welcomes me
"i knew you'd be back"
deep in blankets
deep in darkness
deep in silence
"come and hide"
i would die for you, i think
i would die
for
you
and yet i live, still
breathing on the same planet
we share, apart
we tear apart
we part
and
sleep comes softly
(sighs like the ocean against the shore)
your taste fades on my tongue
but my heart
is not free of your hands

(thump)

(thump)

(thump)

Haunted

will you remember me in

the dark blanket of stars?

i cast my heart to the heavens

and whispered prayers

in a language i did not speak
but understood with
infinite measure

your ghost and my ghost

followed and led

leaving footprints in 

the soft earth like a child

running

from a devil in a

dream

will you remember me in

the quiet moments of the night?

when you wake to the 

pounding of your heart
 (that dream of black birds on grey sky)

the universe divides us

and the stars pour through your

fingers like sand
there is grief in the darkness
a sentence unfinished
untested
undone
my ghost stands in the
corner of your bedroom
sadly watching
still longing as
the new moon bathes you in
blue light and shadows


From my journal: December 2006