In the Garden

I had the privilege of walking through my mother's garden this weekend. Everywhere there were signs of spring. The daffodils and narcissus were in full bloom, the hyacinths were budding and filling the air with their sweet scent. Tulips bent gracefully in the afternoon breeze and jasmine covered the arbor in a romantic tangle of glossy green leaves and bright yellow bell-shaped flowers. Tiny wild violets dotted the lawn and a few dandelions dared to show their sunny faces. The dogwood trees shimmered in the afternoon light, full of buds, ready to burst. Big fat bumble bees buzzed. Birds made their way back and forth between the cedar trees and the bird feeder, fussing at the squirrels who insisted on stealing their sunflower seeds.

I looked around and thought about my plants and flowers at my own home, suffering from neglect that comes from a person who has withdrawn from the world. Last year, I lost some plants that I have had for years and years, because like myself, I did not take care of them.

I realized that it's time for me to leave this winter behind. Spring is here and I'm ready to get back in the garden.

We Made a Mess

My mother used to always tell us "if you make a mess, you clean it up." I was thinking about this recently, at the 5 year anniversary of the beginning of the war in Iraq.

We (the United States) made a mess. A big one.

I am really struggling with this war. First let me say, I was against it from the beginning. I was never convinced that those grainy spy satellite photos of supposed "weapons of mass destruction" sites were indeed, just that. Once we got in there, and realized there weren't ANY WOMD, it was too late. We had done too much damage to the country's infrastructure. From there, the downward spiral began.

Today they announced that we passed the 4,000 mark, on number of U.S. deaths in Iraq. Four thousand. Some would argue that it's a tiny amount compared to the lives lost in other U.S. wars, but tell that to the parents of those 4,000 dead. And while you're at it, tell it to the parents of the soldiers of the coalition - who aren't Americans and didn't even have a "dog in this fight." Tell them. Oh, and please don't forget the innocent civilians in Iraq, the women and children, who have died. Let's not forgot those who struggle to live every day in a world of violence and chaos.

I really want us to get out of Iraq. I really, really do. I think we are fighting a losing battle. I think as soon as we withdraw, the country will clash in civil war. It's like they're just waiting for us to leave so they can kill each other.

But on the other hand, we made a mess. We have destroyed this country. Sure, Saddam was a madman. Sure, he was a murderer and tyrant. But is this country better off now because the U.S. took this action? Most people would say "no" not by a long shot.

I heard that the U.S. is having a difficult time getting the Iraqi government to take responsibility for even the smallest of duties - like paying teachers. Even though the U.S. is pouring billions of dollars in to Iraq, schools aren't getting built, teachers aren't getting paid, electricity is not coming on, unless the U.S. pays for these things directly. How do we get the Iraqi government to take a leadership position? How do we get the Iraqi government to be fair to all its citizens? How do we fix this mess that WE created?

The five year anniversary of a war that Cheney said "might last 60 days." I really have no idea what the solution is. I do know that the war is creating a huge strain on our economy (unless you're an oil company or military contractor).

I think we owe it to the Iraqi people to fix what we broke. I'm just not sure how we do that - is it fixable? Are we just spinning our wheels? How many more soldiers have to die because of a lie?

Finally, will the world ever evolve in to peace? Why is it so difficult to love our neighbors?

Orchids Bloom

In the Deep

In the

Dark

quiet Secrets

wrapped in promises

shielded by Love

Glimmer

in the Golden Light

of Hope

and

Hopelessness

the Cherry Blossoms

Fall

the Butterfly

Lands

Orchids Bloom

elements combine

and I smell the wet grass

and Feel your Hand

in Mine

Cat Lady

I’ve got a birthday coming up. Not a milestone birthday…more of a “tweener”… between a semi-milestone and a milestone. Figured it out yet? Me either. Nor have I figured out why this birthday is bothering me so badly.

Maybe it’s because I’m alone and don’t have my sweet husband home to forget my birthday and then remember it suddenly and go all out making up for it? Maybe it’s because the reality of my age is starting to show in tiny lines around my eyes? Maybe it’s because I’m hiring people who were born after I had already graduated from college? Maybe it’s because I think about the years left in my life and there doesn’t seem to be so many? Maybe it’s because there are a lot of things I thought I would do by this age that I haven’t done? Humm. Maybe.

I certainly don’t want to make a big deal out of it. I’d like to forget it actually. If any of my friends are reading this, this is not a hint! On the contrary, I prefer to let the day pass unnoticed, in a peaceful, ALONE manner (with a few margaritas to ease any suffering). I ask you to please ignore it! I don’t want to be reminded that I have a better chance of being struck by lightening than EVER re-marrying – at THIS age. Thanks, Mr. Guy-Who-Conducts-Such-Cruel-and-Heartless-Polls. You suck. And by the way, I don’t think I want to date, much less re-marry. I think I’d make a great little old spinster lady with 500 cats.

It could happen.

Come Into My Sleep

Now that mountains of meaningless words
and oceans divide us
And we each have our own set of stars
to comfort and guide us
Come into my sleep
Come into my sleep, oh yeah
Dry your eyes and do not weep
Come into my sleep

Swim to me through the deep blue sea
upon the scattered stars set sail
Fly to me through this love-lit night
from one thousand miles away
And come into my sleep
Come into my sleep oh yeah
As midnight nears and shadows creep
Come into my sleep

Bind my dreams up in your tangled hair
For I am sick at heart, my dear
Bind my dreams up in your tangled hair
For all the sorrow it will pass, my dear

Take your accusation, your recriminations
and toss them into the ocean blue
Leave your regrets and impossible longings
and scatter them across the sky behind you
And come into my sleep
Come into my sleep
For my soul to comfort and keep
Come into my sleep
-Nick Cave